Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
