Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
