Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
