Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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