I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize