oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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