You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
