You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
