while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
