just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
