me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
