if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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