I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
