I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
