dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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