i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize