just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
