I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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