I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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