Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
