Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
