NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
