I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
