I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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