God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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