Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
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