i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
