Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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