so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
