I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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