I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
