Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
