she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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