I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
