I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
