Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
