I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
