Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
What a dumb baby whore.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
there is glitter all over my balls
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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