My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I need moral support for this bender
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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