K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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