At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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