does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
