I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
So. Much. Porn.
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