You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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