she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
