my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
