Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
