So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
