winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
