Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
