Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
