You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize