We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
