omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
