the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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