See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
