you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
