you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
