Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
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