i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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