maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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