I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I cut my penus on the lid.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
