Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
