i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I feel great
I just peed on a car
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
