Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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