it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
