who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
