By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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