Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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