Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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