so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
