Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize