i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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