I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize