Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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