Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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