guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
