I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
