I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
