Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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