I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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