how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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