I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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