I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
