I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
