She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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